Starts with a radical avoidance of pain
We tend to try and avoid suffering at all costs. Unwanted pregnancies, children diagnosed in utero with downs syndrome are often aborted to prevent potential suffering, the sick and elderly with a terminal illness can demand euthanasia – a perceived right to end suffering and thus, their lives. Those who are depressed also want to end suffering, sometimes through suicide. Some take their own lives to prevent loved ones from what they see as a burden of care. My dad did that. He was depressed and saw his life as more of a burden than of any use anymore. He committed suicide in 2006, thinking he was not only relieving himself of suffering, but also of me from having to care for him in his old age. He was 72. He didn’t realize that by taking his own life, he left me with a worse kind of suffering — the kind that time doesn’t heal. I now have to suffer the rest of my life with the unknown: could I have done more to prevent this? Is my dad now in hell, or did he miraculously get saved in those final breaths of life? I don’t know, and I won’t know for sure until I pass on to the next life. The day he pulled that trigger, “triggered” a new normal for me – one that I live with everyday. All of this because he tried to avoid suffering.
My father’s worldview was a naturalist. He didn’t believe in life after death, and when he perceived his life as no longer useful, he ended it. (This is also similar to utilitarianism.) His choice to commit suicide was a very self-centered decision. Depression can do that. I’m sure that he didn’t want to hurt me directly, although in some of his medical notes he did speak of how he thought committing suicide would be hard on me. He must have thought I would get over it with time. As the saying goes, “Time heals.” But does it? Suicide is one of those things that never really passes with time — you just learn to live with it.
My father’s naturalistic worldview sees suffering as a thing to be prevented at any cost. Many today hold that same view: to prevent suffering is a primary objective. Seeking pleasure is life’s goal. We are tempted by pleasure in every area of our lives. Advertising makes billions on it. Yet what if the avoidance of suffering ends up of costing your soul? What if by trying to prevent pain, you loose a little of what it means to be human?
From life experiences and my studies, suffering happens to us all no matter what your personal worldview is. An atheist sees suffering as the reason that God doesn’t exist since they cannot reconcile how God allows suffering if He’s omnibenevolent. The agnostic tends to throw up his hands, shrugs and says “let’s eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we die.” The Buddhist tries to contemplate pain and suffering away, as if they simply meditate enough, they will reach enlightenment and end suffering. The Hindu blames suffering on your past life as bad karma. Yet the Christian, when yielded to God in the midst of suffering, can become more Christ-like.
What does it mean to be more “Christ-like”? When Jesus came to Earth, He not only reconciled us to God by His sacrifice on the cross, but He showed us how to be more human, the way we were meant to be before the sinful nature. Some say to sin is human, but I think to sin is a corruption of humanity, just like evil is a corruption of goodness. We were good before the Fall. We only became “bad” after that dreadful day, plunging humanity into a history of learning what it means to sin. Yet God knew we’d make that choice — there wasn’t a plan B. It’s all part of God’s plan A.
Notice in the opening chapters of Genesis it says everything was good. It doesn’t say “perfect.” Could it be that part of God’s plan is processing us to a perfected state by allowing free will while working His plans out for a final outcome of a perfected existence? It is plausible for all who freely choose to surrender to God’s plan.
To those who love God, He works all things out for our own good (Romans 8:28). For those who reject His plan, and many do because of suffering that is misunderstood, all things don’t produce good in their lives. Matter of fact, it can do the very opposite. Two paths are clearly drawn on the road of suffering — how you respond to it can either make you bitter or better. For those who get bitter, a constant, unforgiving anger can be the devil’s foothold in their souls. But to those who allow God to work within them, suffering can produce better things.
Consider Joni Eareckson Tada, a woman who has been a quadriplegic since a diving accident at at 17. For over 40 years, her ministry has been helping people all over the world struggling with disabilities. Another inspirational person who has used suffering for good is Nicholas Vujicic, who founded the “Life Without Limbs” ministry. He is one of the most sought-after public speakers in the world! There are so many stories of people using their suffering for the benefit of others. Is there something we can learn from suffering?
It is interesting how hardship can oftentimes pull people together, wake us up from our complacency and make better things happen.
The Problem of Pleasure
When Eve saw that the fruit was “good,” she ate of it. It was pleasure that she sought, so much that she didn’t think of the consequences. That’s just like sin. It can feel good at first, but then it fades. Thinking we must need more, we get more. But more doesn’t cut it eventually. And we continue on the hamster wheel of seeking more. This is the problem of pleasure.
Western cultures live in societies that are inundated with the pleasure—too much of it gets boring. Even Playboy Magazine has returned to scantily dressed models instead of full nudes because our culture is saturated in sex. We are bored with pleasure, so how about a little pain? There is a depravity of our souls when a movie like “50 Shades of Gray” actually has a trilogy! The depths we can go for momentary desire are pretty far down. And it is so momentary.
We are impatient. Waiting for any thing anymore is seen as a waste of precious time because we have become so naturalized. Many don’t believe in life after death, and so we live for today. Yet when we keep our eyes on eternity, it’s incredible what we can endure with God’s help. But when we keep our eyes on the moment, our desires for immediate gratification, we can miss the ways God can work miracles into our lives.
“There is no bigger problem for Christians living in Western society than a short-sighted, this-world focused Christianity,” Professor Clay Jones, author of Why God Allows Evil.
Let’s say God met our needs miraculously every single day. For example, what if we never went hungry, despite the fact that we’re wandering in the middle of a desert? Every day God performs a bonafide miracle and mysteriously food shows up; day in, day out, out of nowhere. It’s just peanut butter and jelly sandwiches—how they show up in the middle of this wasteland is a wonder—but there they are, daily… miracles right before your eyes. The first few days, you’re in amazement, gratefully eating the sandwiches. But after awhile, you find yourself getting tired of PB & Js. You complain about it, and then, miraculously, pizza shows up! Woo hooo! Nirvana has arrived! Are you happy now? Sure, for awhile. But even too much pizza gets old. Despite the fact the every single day a bonafide miracle is happening right before your eyes, you lose your gratitude, and you don’t see it as a miracle any longer. You just see what you don’t have.
If this story sounds familiar to you, it’s because this happened to the Israelites. After they were freed from slavery in Egypt, and they began traveling though the wilderness, everyday God provided manna for them. It was food that miraculously showed up in the middle of the desert. They got bored and God provided quail. They tired of that, too, and were not grateful. A miracle happened every single day and all they did was complain.
Even if God performed a daily miracle today, like manna from heaven, human character shows such provision eventually goes unappreciated. Too much of a good thing gets boring.
Suffering Matters
The thing about suffering is that it’s going to happen, no matter what you believe. Of all the views you could have about it, the Christian faith believes suffering is the result of sin, but it’s not in vain when fully submitted to God. All other views of suffering pale in comparison. With Christ, our Emmanuel, ‘God is with us’ in the midst of suffering. If we yield to Him through prayer, He can mold us into His son’s image, and Jesus knows the depths of suffering.
There may be some use for it. Maybe we won’t see that use this side of heaven, but God promises to reward those who suffer for His namesake, or those who suffered like Job did, by never cursing God for it. Instead, suffering can bring God glory. Suffer well.
makes you think and appreciate life more thanks Dr. lisa for sharing with us
Thanks for your comment, Jeffrey!
You just see what you don’t have.
That sure sounds like many of us in the prosperous West today. Thanks for sharing your story and heart, Lisa. God bless!
Thanks, Nancy, for taking the time to read my blog and your comments. I appreciate you!
Excellent writing as always Lisa.
I will remember dancing at my wedding with your Dad. I remember his voice and the twinkling in his eyes.
My heart still breaks for you and your family over his death. Thank you for taking this tragic and heartbreaking time in your life to reach out to others giving them hope that they are not alone.
All my love to you my friend.
Thank you so much, Linda! I will always be thankful for you. And you officiated my dad’s memorial service! That was a hard day, but you did it so gracefully. I love your heart, my friend. You are a blessing!
PRAISE THE LORD
Thank you for sharing your journey with us.
Oh Lisa, I’m sorry you carry this burden. Thank you for sharing your story and message of hope. The tragedy of losing our son changed my world and because I trusted Jesus with my suffering, He turned the pain into a passion. I wish no one had to suffer pain and loss but God can change us and help us through it all.
Thank you, Yvonne. As I mentioned in my blog, suffering happens to everybody on this planet. So what we do with the suffering matters. Like you, I’ve used my suffering, and went on to learn Apologetics, to help answer questions that skeptics may have.
What a thoughtful post. I’m saddened by the way you lost your father and the thought processes involved in his decision to commit suicide. I’m so sorry you had to deal with all of that and still do. Thank you for walking us through all of the pieces that go into our society and our thinking due to our society. Suffering is a part of human life, and yet, we want to reject the suffering, even though Christ has entered into it with us through His own experience of yielding up His life for us and undergoing the most painful of ways to die for us, all because of His great love for us, and His desire to save us. Thank you, Lisa, for always being willing and able to tackle the tough issues.
I do tackle tough issues, don’t I? I guess that’s what God puts on my heart.
Lisa, your father. I am so sorry you had to lose him like this. I know the Lord has walked with you through this and still comforts you each time the day rolls around each year. I’m so sorry. Your articles are always inspirational in a way that causes me to want to go deeper, for you take the plunge so well, and you write it in a way that causes us to want to dive in. Pleasure and Pain are often intertwined. Our pleasure can harm us, causing pain. And our pain can wipe out our pleasure. We are fearfully and intricately made. Thank you for sharing your story. And thank you for taking us deep each time you write, so that we must go deeper still. Further up and further in. God bless you, sister.
Thank you, Melinda. You have such a way with words, as well. I love your thoughtful response, and I appreciate your concern. God has taken me a long way since then, and I’m a better person because He is good..
Lisa this was a really brilliant post! You do a fantastic job laying out the problem we face as fallen humans with a sinful nature.
Thank you! Your comment means a lot to me. I’m blessed to share my experiences and knowledge with others.
Absolutely excellent. Suffering is not easy or “fun.” But I have learned over the years that there is always something important in it, some lesson I need to learn, some flaw in myself I need to overcome or at least learn to push aside and rise above so I can do or be all I can be for the Lord and to serve His purpose. Also… I’m so sorry about your dad, and I can relate… my dad suffered badly from depression also.
Thanks, Jessica. So many people today suffer from depression. Just to clarify, I completely believe that we should try to heal conditions like this, and I know my father wasn’t in his right mind when he committed suicide. Everyone should seek help. But it’s the over-arching narrative of the avoidance of pain – at all costs – that I am referring specifically to, and the fact that American culture perpetuates the idea of self-indulgence.
I’m sorry that your Dad suffers from depression. May he find joy in Christ.
Lisa, this is a great piece. I’m so sorry about your father taking his life. Suffering is a hard thing in life. And I guess to naturalists and others, it’s hard to understand how Christians view suffering. And we know Christ suffered for our sake. Your insight here is stellar. Particularly, how God said everything He created was good, not perfect. I never thought about that before.
Thanks, Karen!
Powerful words Lisa. So much to meditate on.
Thanks, DeeDee!
Sorry to hear about your dad, Lisa. I was just studying John 12 where it says “even after Jesus had performed so many signs in their presence, they still would not believe in him.” That’s a result of blinded hearts. Reminds me of how important it is to be real and reach hearts. Thank you for sharing.